My journey from emotional abuse to self-love.


If you wanna really get to know someone, get to know their story. listen to all the details and challenges that make up their journey. There you’ll find a deeper connection, understanding and empathy for the person standing in front of you.

I’ve been thinking recently. If you’re going to hang out here listening to my voice — doesn’t it make sense to know my story? Yea, I thought so too! Let’s go …

My journey began when I walked away from a four year relationship that was emotionally abusive.

I arrived to a point where I finally decided to leave and learn how to love myself instead. I still remember those moments packing my life into the back seat of a Suzuki Swift. Yes, my entire life. You would be surprised at how much fits in one of those tiny things.

I drove home to my parents to start life over again. Truth be told I thought it would be easy. That I’d move into my childhood bedroom where I’d live until I figured my life out. I learned quickly that when you take your first big leap on the journey that it’s not exactly straight forward. In fact it was sooo messy.

I remember feeling like mountains needed to move for anything good to happen for me.

Let’s break that analogy down for a sec.

If you and I had the strength to walk outside right now, lift up an entire mountain and move it from place to another … there are two things that are bound  to happen:

  1. There’s gonna be a heck of a lot of mess to clean up

  2. You’re gonna unearth some stuff that will be difficult to see and deal with.

This perfectly illustrates the first 6 weeks of my journey. Not only did I have a broken heart, I dealt with the annoyance of moving home. The doctor called me with a health scare and then … I lost my job.

I felt like the world falling down around me and it was all my fault.

That’s what emotional abuse does - it warps your sense of truth. I thought all the breakdowns were my fault. The same messages played in my mind about not being enough or worthy of loving. I believed them.

The good thing about the journey is: there comes a point where you have to make a choice. Do you keep pushing through the challenges and deal with the discomfort? Or, do you go back to your past, what’s comfortable and what you know?

Thankfully I chose to keep going.

I always wanted to live in the city so I moved. I started to practice self-love and set goals for myself. I knew that I wanted to become a bank manager and go on my first overseas holiday. About 12 months later I got the job I wanted and booked a 10 day, solo trip to a tropical island to find myself.

And find myself, I did.

At the airport, on my way to Rarotonga, I stumbled across an article online that taught me what emotional abuse was. Every single sign in the article described my past relationship. Up until that moment I didn’t know what emotional abuse was. I didn’t realise that this was my experience.

My solo holiday to find myself became a space to unpack my past relationship. I had to face off with the truth. Accept that I had been abused. It was during a journalling session on the beach where my intuition spoke to me. I felt a strong pull to launch my charity Prepair NZ one day. WOW, what a powerful moment.

I was driven to create a change in the world.

Every gal who experiences emotional abuse knows what it’s like to have her power and potential put on hold.

My life, goals, dreams and ambitions went on hold for four years because I had never learned about emotional abuse before. I thought I was in love and didn’t think twice about the behaviours that upset me. This narrative is common for many of us.

I often think about whether the next global leader, world changer or cure could be stuck, living inside of someone in an emotionally abusive relationship, unaware, because she has never been educated. Therein lies  my why. The reason I launched Prepair NZ four years ago. To educate and empower young gals about relationships, emotional abuse and self-love in schools and universities.

Over the years I’ve realised that my sister outside of schools and university both need and want access to this knowledge too.

I recognised that there are others who want to know how to take their story and turn it into a tool that generates impact and social change. I want to use my voice to help other sisters step up and take a leap into the unknown. I think when you create space to figure out what is right for you, you find purpose. You begin to uncover what you’re here for.

I’m here to talk about emotional abuse, life, love, career and your journey. This is why The Journey Gal podcast exists and the story behind your host.